Editor’s Blog – The Black Hole

Five years ago I had never even heard of the term “executive dysfunction.” I knew that we used our executive functions to get things done, but I was not clued into the possibility that these functions could go awry and then things did NOT get done. I was introduced to this concept during my trial-by-fire interview seeking the position as editor for Kids Enabled.

I was given, as my first assignment, an article by none other than Sherry Pruitt – an expert in the field of executive functioning – and I was off and running. Being an organizing freak myself, I was almost cynical about this new (to me) term. Ironically, I was simultaneously raising the future poster-child for EDF. I edited the article, was accepted on board at Kids Enabled, and quickly filed away my newfound information.

Fast forward to middle school and here is the scene at my house:
- “What do you mean you can’t find it? It was right there a second ago.”
- “I said to pick up your clothes and put them away. How hard can it possibly be?”
- “No, you have to write the introduction before diving into the paper. Don’t you have an outline to follow?”
-“How does my son have 14 zeros for missing assignments? I saw him do the work and put it in his backpack.”
- “The health department wants to condemn his locker?”

Sound familiar? My son’s teachers call it the black hole – where his work goes never to be seen again. If it wasn’t so sad, it would be funny – but it isn’t funny. We are facing high school in a matter of months and there won’t be the same hand-holding we have been lucky enough to find these past middle school years.

What to do? I believe strongly in teaching my son to self-advocate. He is able to articulate that he needs to sit in a certain place in class to help with attention issues. He can explain better than some experts what it means to have dyslexia. But how do you explain something that is beyond your own understanding? How does he explain why following the steps necessary to write a paper are so difficult for him? And where his homework goes? And why a traditional organizational scheme just doesn’t click?

I question myself all the time – am I being the helicopter mom by being so involved in his day-to-day functioning? Am I doing him a disservice by staying in close contact with his teachers and checking his agenda daily? When do I let him take over the task of double-checking all of his movements?

I am sorry to say that I don’t have the answers here. There are experts we can turn to: educational consultants, psychologists, professional organizers. I can, however, tell you how I handle my daily struggle with the frustration.

First, I have made the decision, and it has to be a conscious decision, to not get angry. I know that I need to explain things in small steps – one thing at a time. I know he does not mean to make me crazy. I know he has great gifts that are outside the realm of the norm. I know that when he is seemingly ignoring my instructions, his thoughts are going outside the box and creating his own way to do things. I know that the world could use more thinkers like him. I know that I wouldn’t have him be any other way.

I am not trying to be cheesy, but the truth is that our children with learning differences have more gifts than I could have ever known possible. Yes, it is annoying that we arrive at the soccer field with no cleats. Yes, I wish leaving the house did not entail a check-list a page long. Yes, a bedroom that has a visible floor might be a nice change. But…it is also nice that my son is creative and not tied down to convention. It is refreshing to hear ideas that would be considered impossible in the “organized world.” It is OK to not follow a set of designs and plans.

I will take my EDF kid to add a spice in my life any day – messy, fun, spontaneous and all.

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