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Extraordinary Gifts of Learning Differences
Most parents of children with learning differences have similar stories to tell. While every day I do not always stop to ponder the gifts that we receive from the struggles, I do like to pause (when I remember to) and count these blessings. It also helps to see that other parents, who are travelling in my world, see these gifts as well. Kids Enabled would like to share with you some gifts appreciated by our parents. We hope you enjoyed the gifts of the season and of the New Year! Montie Stone
AS I AM WRITING THIS, Morgan has just completed her first semester of ninth grade at a large public school and finished with success. Exam week was brutal, but once again we cried, we laughed, we argued, we hugged, we prayed, we high-fived, we persevered and we prevailed. I have felt many things as the mother of a child with learning differences, but when I first realized this was my path, blessing was probably not my first thought.
Blessing number one for me was getting frustrated and angry. Not in a mean or bitter way, but in a way that brought out the fight in me and the resolve and determination to find a solution that would help my youngest child. I would imagine that if I could feel her frustration, how much more frustrated she must feel. I became her best advocate. Morgan was able to attend a wonderful school, for fifth through eighth grade, that specifically deals with kids who have language based learning differences. Her self-esteem and confidence returned and grew there as well. Morgan’s experience at this school allowed me the opportunity to learn and gain perspective on issues children with learning differences face. I saw what the right learning environment did for my daughter, as well as other students. Morgan’s experience with learning differences has made her very sensitive to others who face their own unique struggles. I have seen her defend, advocate and comfort her peers when they needed it. Consequently, I have learned to be more aware, kind and accepting of others because of her example. I try to offer support to others who may need it. There have been many tears, shouting matches and temper tantrums along the way and there have been days when I felt I must have done something wrong. What a blessing to realize I did not! I am blessed that Morgan is who she is and I have often said she is the one God sent to keep me humble. I have learned to be more patient and tolerant. It is often easier to focus on the negatives, but I have learned to look for and find the positives and blessings along the way. Tina Plowman
OUR FIRST TWO CHILDREN passed milestonessuch as walking, talking, reading, and math so easily it seemed like the only intervention for us as parents was to fine-tune the racecars as they sped past. Meanwhile, I was barreling along on my own career development in a large company.
This dynamic has changed my approach to communications at work as well. Frankly, Bradley has made me a better manager. Because of Bradley, rather than barreling ahead in discussions with colleagues and employees, I find myself working harder to ensure that the message I’m sending is the message that is received. Because of Bradley, I use clearer and more concise language to replace shorthand references and innuendo. Because of Bradley, I work harder to communicate with employees as individuals, rather than as a monolithic group that hears and interprets my comments as one. And because of Bradley, I now better understand the value of tools and technology to help people achieve their goals, an understanding that I put to work every day to help employees develop themselves. Because of Bradley, I am a better manager…and a better person. Steve McGaw
MY SON HAS BEEN BURDONED with difficult issues. He has struggled with reading, he cannot always control his moods and he cannot smile on command. He loves to learn but it has to be compelling to get his attention. He misses social cues frequently, and I cringe when he cannot meet someone’s eyes or smile at someone to encourage everyday niceties. The other day he came home from school, almost giddy. His school is under construction and with the confusion of workers and trucks, the school has hired full-time security people to help move the traffic and the kids. One officer has been particularly nice, getting to know the students and the parents and making a difficult situation easier. My son had a bag full of baked goods, wrapped gifts for teachers and gift cards for his art, science and math specialists. He came home from school that day with a grin on his face (he has no trouble smiling for me, thank goodness!) from ear to ear. He recounted his story in excruciating detail. He had been on his way to math with a gift card for his teacher when he passed this friendly security officer. He stopped, took the card out of his pocket and handed it to her. I don’t know if he was able to articulate the typical holiday niceties but she was shocked. She asked if he really meant to give this to her, and he assured her yes. And, knowing him, he probably said little else and went on his way. He came home so happy and so proud of having thought to give this gift to someone who had been kind and who was unsuspecting. I don’t know if it was the giving itself, or the surprise, but my seemingly anti-social kid went far out of his way to make someone else’s day. It made mine too. Jana Eplan
OUR FAMILY’S JOURNEY through the maze of learning disabilities has been difficult as well as rewarding. When my oldest daughter was first diagnosed with a learning disability, I was devastated, trying to comprehend what this would mean for her future. After wading through lots of grief and sadness, I focused my energy, and decided to learn all I could about this new diagnosis. It became a full time job reading, researching, and seeking out the best specialists and treatments to make her life the best it could be.
Through our journey, I have learned that this is a continuous process, not a destination. We will always have to cope with these issues. I have come to accept that these are our challenges, and even to embrace them. The silver lining is the wonderful qualities my children possess because of their struggles. It has been freeing to realize things often don’t turn out the way you plan. I have changed my expectations and assumptions of what I thought life would be. Now I embrace my children for the gifts that they have. Our oldest daughter is a very sweet and compassionate child, who has the unique gift of nurturing everyone around her, whether young or old, person or animal. From a very young age, she has always been extraordinarily tuned in to people and their feelings, noticing details others miss. She is much more aware of people’s differences, and readily accepts all people, regardless of their circumstances. While this trait might have been innate, it has no doubt been honed through her own tribulations. I have no doubt her extraordinary social skills will get her far in life. Our younger daughter has her own unique set of strengths. She too is sweet and nurturing, and is very creative. It amazes me to see her perspective, as she often sees shapes and animals in clouds, trees, and other objects that most people fail to see until it is pointed out to them. She is a talented artist, and loves music. It is rare to be around her without hearing the constant stream of songs that come from her happy heart. She is able to connect the dots and see cause and effect where other struggle. This ability to analyze in her own creative way will be an asset in demand as she makes her way in the world. As a family, it has been a tough road with many ups and downs, but it has made us better, and changed my perspective on what success is. My faith in God is stronger, and I am so thankful He chose us to raise these two incredible creatures. The next phase of my job is to help them find their way in the world, in a way that will utilize their talents and appreciate them for the wonderful talents they have to offer. Leigh Hattaway
IT IS DIFFICULT TO EVEN IMAGINE what my life would look like if my daughter did not have learning differences. I look back to the spring of 2003 when my daughter had her first seizure, and I realize my current journey began that day. I had left my position as a physical therapist at the VA Medical Center to stay at home with my three young children before realizing at age 2, my daughter had medical issues resulting in difficulties with processing sensory information and learning new concepts. I have always admired how my daughter attempts on a daily basis to persevere, never losing faith or hope. She rarely gets discouraged, despite having to try harder to succeed than most other children I know, including her twin brothers. I am amazed at her sense of humor, particularly when I know how hard her day to day life can be, at times. I have had the opportunity to learn how children like her should be admired for their achievements, even though we may not always realize how much more difficult it is for them to get the same results as their peers with stronger natural learning skills. Without a child with learning differences, I never would have learned as much as I have about the emotional and education challenges these kids live with every day. I never would have found a way to connect with hundreds of families and been in a position to help them. I would never have had the opportunity to discover how any brain can strengthen and grow, and the opportunity for lifetime achievement is not fixed. I would never have opened a business to improve cognitive functioning. I can see now that it was serendipitous, really, that at the same time I was discovering this exciting research, I had the opportunity to use my passion to help others, not only my own daughter. Without a doubt, Bella is an unbelievable blessing. Her beautiful smile and determined spirit to succeed inspire me every day. I can’t imagine my life without her. In a way, I feel like I’ve given my daughter a gift when I see how she has improved her abilities, but she has actually given me a much bigger one. More than anything, this blessing has opened a window when a door was seemingly closed. I am forever grateful. Beth Ardell
I HAVE SPENT MOST OF MY ADULT LIFE around people with dyslexia. My husband, my two children and all of the students that I have taught for 23 years have dyslexia. I’m no stranger to the frustration that they can experience in the world and in the classroom. The Blessing of Resilience: The Blessing of Industriousness: The Blessing of Self-Awareness: The Blessing of Creative Thinking: As parents and teachers of those with a learning disability, we worry. We’re bound to do it because we see the potential and we want success to be readily attainable for them instead of troublesome. However, perhaps we should focus on the blessings of a learning disability. Relax in the knowledge that the talent, wisdom, perseverance and imagination of these children will provide what they need to be successful. Enjoy them and know that you are blessed to be with them. Ellen Hill
January 6, 2011 | In Feature Articles | 6 Comments
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AS THE PARENT OF A CHILD with learning differences, I know firsthand the challenges and trials of finding success academically and socially. I also have some insight into the gifts that our children have sometimes because of their differences. For instance, my son thinks outside the box. He may have been creative regardless of his dyslexia, but I believe the skill was cultivated because of his reading impairment. When he could not read the words on the page, he made up the story that he envisioned. His gift of creativity has taken him to new heights and will continue to serve him well.
My journey started when my youngest and third child, Morgan, started kindergarten. There were issues with focus and attention and difficulty rhyming words. I didn’t think too much about it initially, but as her difficulty with reading, decoding new words and spelling continued, I watched her frustration with learning increase. I was unsure of how to help her and sadly, the school system she was in was not really willing or able to do much for her because she was passing her classes. To be honest, some of the comments and suggestions I was given by the educators really surprised and shocked me. Morgan was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade and by third grade with auditory processing, dysgraphia, and low executive functioning issues, to name a few. 
For Bradley, our child with learning differences, all those milestones that our first two children had sped past, became distant destinations which required extraordinary effort to reach. This effort resulted in a fundamental change in dynamics in our household, where understanding is no longer taken for granted, but rather repeatedly confirmed and celebrated.
As he enters adolescence, I worry more for his social life and skills. He has friends, not as many as I would like, but he and they are close and fiercely loyal.
A few years later, our younger daughter was also diagnosed with the same learning, sensory, and motor skills issues, as well as a severe case of anxiety. Despite our experience with these issues, it was like reinventing the wheel, because they manifested so differently with each child. For years we were busy with our team of OTs, PTs, hippotherapists, speech therapists, psychologists, tutors, and many doctors, often to the exclusion of play dates and other fun activities many kids enjoy.
She eventually had to leave the school her siblings attended, and she received multiple therapies to help with her speech, language, and motor skills. I had enjoyed being a geriatric PT for many years, but I must admit, I felt my real passion always eluded me. Because of my daughter, I spent the following years investigating interventions I could use to help her process information better and make her life easier. Through her, I discovered a love for the amazing ability the brain has to improve its functioning. I discovered the brain can be strengthened through exercise, and the fundamental skills of intelligence can be improved, making lifetime learning easier for her and others. I discovered a different way to apply my desire to help people through physical therapy, yet instead of physical exercise it would be brain exercise. I opened a business with a long-time physical therapist friend, also struggling with some of the same issues with her own child. For me, my daughter’s learning differences were the reason I forced myself to learn more, do more, achieve more, and change lives…hers and others through brain training. It has been the most valuable thing I could ever do, and it’s because of her I do it every day. 
However, I have also seen many blessings that come along with learning differently. 
WOW – what a great article! It starts the new year with a new insight into our own issues.
Comment by Annie — January 7, 2011 #
What touching stories, leaving myself and hopefully other people with feelings of empowerment. It is amazing what so many have to deal with, then “feel the feelings” that go with the diagnoses, and then move ahead with love to take action and DO for his/her child.
Comment by Amy Sherman — January 10, 2011 #
I have been in the field of special education for overy 30 years….I have heard many stories and have been blessed to be a part of many success stories of children and adolescents with learning differences….yet every time I read or hear stories like the ones I read in this article I receive affirmation as to the career path I chose. Truly these youngsters/young people AND their parents are nothing short of AMAZING. I have been fortunate indeed….I have seen MIRACLES!! These miracles have been due to the courage, faith, and perserverance of these very SPECIAL individuals and to the parents who believed in, advocated for their child. Parents who saw what was right….not just the challenges. These parents and individuals are nothing short or heroic!
I hope many teachers read this article and join us in celebrating the amazing gifts that these individuals ARE to those who can recognize their unique gifts. EXCELLENT article…thank you!
Gayle Born, Teacher, Educational Consultant
Comment by Gayle Born, M.Ed. — January 10, 2011 #
What an amazing article! This definitely provides different perspectives and insight of what parents are experiencing with their child that has learning differences. The small stories from each excerpt brought smiles to my face as I imagined the experience. Thank you for sharing your stories!
Comment by Shahnoor Dharamsi MS, OTR/L — January 12, 2011 #
Great first hand stories from the heart!
Comment by Angele Hawkins — January 12, 2011 #
Thanks for publishing such an encouraging and insightful article – too often we as parents feel that no one else could possibly understand – this article proves that we are not alone. Again, thanks for such an uplifting article. I have already shared it with lots of other parents!
Comment by Carol Ann Brannon — January 13, 2011 #