Ask the KE Experts

Kids Enabled understands that parents need information. Along with the general topics we cover on a bi-weekly basis, we also address more personal and individualized issues in our “Ask the KE Experts” section. At any time, you can visit our Web site and ask your question.

Following are two questions that your family may have asked before and the answers from our experts.

Question 1: If I hear, “Mom, I’m bored” one more time, I may scream! After struggling with homework and tutoring, my preteen deserves some entertainment, but how do I keep him happy and challenged without the television or video games?

Downtime is a great time for your child to pursue a passion, especially as a volunteer. Does he love animals? Have him volunteer at the local animal shelter. Volunteering not only builds a sense of community, but allows your child to practice life skills as well. If he’s interested in a certain hobby, such as photography, have him shadow a professional for a day.

Danielle Moore, M.S. Ed., CCC-SLP, The Language Group, KE Editorial Advisory Board

Make sure he’s enrolled in regular activities that he’s chosen – Lego club at Discover Mills, choir, soccer, yoga, guitar lessons, etc. Regular, scheduled activities will introduce him to like-minded kids.

Lori London, Educator, KE Events Committee

Help your preteen find an interest or passion. “I’m bored” usually means “I do not know what to do. Fix it for me, you’re the mom.” What catches his interest and excitement? Drawing, building things, science, making videos, music, community service, or entrepreneurial endeavors (power washing for neighborhood families, help with cleaning out garages or basements, babysitting)? Make sure he has specific goals to work toward. What he creates can be something in which he takes pride and ownership, and his time becomes more purposeful. Keep in mind that we all need down time and some chilling-out time can be good.

Susan Orloff, OTR/L

In this highly electronic era, all parents struggle with their children’s use of and dependence on electronics. Ask your child what his goals are for the year, both personally and academically. What kinds of activities, that are not electronic, will best help reach those goals? Help him develop other interests by identifying his strengths. For highly caring and empathetic children, pen pals are a good idea. For the artistic creative types, make sure you have plenty of creative outlets available. Discuss this with your child and come up with some alternatives together. If you dictate a change, they are likely to be resentful. Instead, have them play an active part in brainstorming other options than electronics. Rather than taking away the electronics all together, try offering TV and video games as rewards instead of as entitlements.

Michelle Grey and Michelle Cooper, Certified Professional Organizers, Student Organizers of Atlanta

Many preteens use the words “I’m bored” when they are avoiding activities that are difficult for them. Find out what motivates your child and develop activities around that. For example, if your child loves to paint and may be having difficulty with math in school, involving your child in an after school or weekend painting or drawing class will help motivate him. Typically, painting/drawing classes are broken down into sequenced steps, which in turn work on sequencing, visual motor, visual perception, spatial relations, and depth perception. These are some of the core areas that are utilized when working on math. Another example is making time to go outdoors to complete a fun, active family activity. For example, going to the park for 30 minutes after school or before dinner will mix a little bit of physical activity into your child’s evening. Physical activity will increase motivation and energy for your child to complete the homework that they need to complete before the end of the day.

Shahnoor Dharamsi, M.S., OTR/L, KE Editorial Advisory Board Member

Question #2: My daughter has never been what you would call a “good sleeper,” but now her sleep issues are affecting her school work. Any advice for a very tired 9-year-old and her mom?

Sleep is critical for young people since it allows the information learned that day to be transferred into long term memory. A routine to “wind down” before bed is important, so there should be no electronics, iPhones, iPads, TV, video games for at least an hour before bed time. Try a warm bath and quiet activities to start winding down at least 60-90 minutes before you attempt the regular nighttime routine.

Danielle Moore, M.S. Ed., CCC-SLP, The Language Group, KE Editorial Advisory Board

Consider setting up a strict bedtime routine. Include some relaxing and calm music or a bath, then add in a little “together time” where you might tell your daughter a story to set her mind and body into a relaxation mode with a beautiful scene you verbally paint for her. Make sure she has eaten and has completed any homework and stressful or “up” activities (jumping rope, riding a bike, doing gymnastics around the house) at least two hours prior to bed. Having some room-temperature water an hour before bed is also something else I have found helpful.

If her sleeping issues may be related to situations during the day (school, peers, etc.), discuss these during the day during a time that is not stressful. Let her know you are there for her to come to with any questions, concerns, or problems and will listen. Just letting her know that may soothe her heart and mind.

Teach her the “relaxation exercise:” she closes her eyes and really focuses on one body part at a time and then says in her mind, “My ______ is/are relaxed” three times or more until that body part really relaxes. Start from the toes and work up the body. Usually, people fall asleep before getting to their bellies!

Amy Sherman, M.A., CCC-SLP, KE Editorial Advisory Board Member

Make sure you have a nighttime routine that your child has helped plan. An example routine, might be: washing up, laying out clothes for next day, preparing lunch for next day, reading, using aromatherapy oil for a calming sensory experience, putting on relaxing music, dimming lights, journaling, talking. Make sure the child’s room is comfortable: a comfy chair or beanbag for reading, a soothing lava lamp, a small water feature, a CD with relaxing sounds. A key element is empowering your child to think about and decide for herself what works best.

Lauren Zimet, M.S., CCC-SLP

The University of Michigan Health System has an extensive list, written by Kyla Boyse, RN, of dos and don’ts for helping children sleep. Check it out at http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sleep.htm#teach.

Susan Orloff, OTR/L

Cherries are a source of melatonin, so you may consider letting her eat some before bedtime, or maybe try some homeopathic sleep aids that contain melatonin. Also, after speaking with your child’s pediatrician, a sleep study may be recommended. These can offer much insight into your child’s sleeping patterns and what may be disrupting them.

Liz Sitton

The first step is to talk to your doctor about why your daughter is having difficulty sleeping. Is there an underlying issue that is causing the insomnia? Is it anxiety? Is it nervousness? If a child is not sleeping at least 8-12 hours (based on age), her school work will certainly be affected. Before you can help your daughter work on her needs, you need to work on your needs. You need to find ways to relax and calm, so you can be there for your daughter. Your daughter will not only be affected by her mood, but she will also pick up the small nuances that your body language my inadvertently give off if you are stressed and sleep deprived. Once you are able to take care of yourself, then target ways to help your daughter sleep well consistently through the night.

Shahnoor Dharamsi, M.S., OTR/L, KE Editorial Advisory Board Member

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