A Mother and Son Success Story

The Moral of the Story? Don’t Give Up

Jonathan Abbott, 29, went to school in rural Georgia at a time when special education services were reserved for those in very special circumstances. While there were no official services for her son, Ann’s perseverance and love, with the support of family, helped Jon reach great heights.

Ann Elliott is the mother of three grown children. She is also a passionate supporter of Kids Enabled and a consultant to families helping them obtain financial support for their children’s therapies. Her passion didn’t start there. It started as an advocate for her oldest son, Jonathan Abbott, who at the age of 12 was diagnosed with Autism. This diagnosis was fairly new in the early 90s. Ann and Jon talk to Kids Enabled and share their struggles during a time when special education was very difficult to obtain in rural Georgia. Through these struggles comes triumph for a mother who wouldn’t give up on her child.

KE to Jonathan: What were your biggest struggles growing up?
JA: School bullies. I got picked on a lot.

KE to Mom: What were Jon’s toughest challenges in the classroom?
AE: Jonathan had a hard time paying attention, understanding, staying on task and expressing himself. He became frustrated and would have meltdowns. He would beat up tree trunks until his knuckles bled. We had to change schools twice. He got beaten up more than once and hated school.

KE to Mom: How old was Jon when he was diagnosed?
AE: Jon walked late and talked late. He seemed to be late on everything except reading, which he was doing well at age 3. He was my first child so I didn’t know there was a problem until, at age 3, he stopped talking. After a couple of weeks without a word, I took him to our pediatrician. He said he was “a boy” and it would pass. I was very frustrated; this was not normal and something was definitely wrong, yet I couldn’t get any answers.

We didn’t hear the word “Autism” until he was 12 when we took him to the Southeastern Psychological Institute. They tested him for three full days and then talked about Autism and developmental delays. The diagnosis was so new and there just weren’t a lot of resources at the time.

KE to Jonathan: What are your earliest memories of school? Any teachers that you would like to remember that helped you along the way?
JA: In kindergarten, my teacher was mean to me. She put me in a cube and made fun of me to the class. She called me retarded. My teachers would get mad at me because I didn’t understand, but they didn’t have time to help me much. I had one real good teacher named Ms. Head. She hugged me a lot.

KE to Mom: How did Jon’s challenges change as you progressed through elementary, middle school and high school?
AE: Jon would cry daily and beg me not to make him go to school. He said they didn’t like him and were mean to him. We lived in a rural area and there were no “special classes” except for the profound children. Jon didn’t qualify, so there was just me. His teachers took the “sink or swim” attitude and he sank. His grades were terrible, but since I spent so much time going to school talking to his teachers, they would pass him.

I worked in the ER and asked every doctor if they knew anything about Jon’s symptoms. They were wonderful and enlightened me about a new therapy called occupational therapy. I wrote letters and made calls. I worked with Jon doing puzzles, stacking blocks – anything I could think of. He couldn’t get speech therapy at that time because it was only for stroke victims.

Middle school was not as bad because they were starting to understand that all kids aren’t the same. I had a couple of teachers who were interested in him and they would give me information and try to work with me. Jon still didn’t have school friends but his siblings and his cousins were his friends.

As Jon approached his senior year, we discovered he couldn’t graduate because he lacked credits. Luckily, the technical school in our area had a new program for “special kids.” Through this program, he was not taught a specific skill, but he received one-on-one help with the important classes he needed to graduate. In 1998, when he was a few months shy of 19, Jon not only graduated, but received special achievement honors.

KE to Jonathan: What did you like best about school? What did you like least about school?
JA: School was hard. I didn’t have too many friends. My mom had to go to school a lot. I didn’t do good in some subjects, but I liked history. It was hard. My teachers didn’t help much. My mom would work with me every day and wouldn’t give up on me.

KE to Mom: Did Jon’s struggles ever cause his self-esteem to suffer?
AE: Jon spent his early years in frustration, literally banging his head on the wall and floor and saying, “I am so dumb! I can’t! They hate me!” His self-esteem was zero.

When his brother was born, Jon was 10. I told him the importance of being a big brother and how I needed him to help look after his brother and sister. He took that to heart.

At 12, he asked for a weight bench for Christmas. He thought if he had muscles, no one would pick on him. I bought the bench and he was right. Once he started looking “bulky and muscular,” kids left him alone. He still didn’t have any friends, but at least he wasn’t ridiculed.

KE to Mom: Can you describe Jon’s social struggles, if any, in more detail?
AE: He never went to a dance, a prom or a ball game. He avoided any school functions. He never spent the night away from home except with his aunt, cousins and his sister and brother. He had one date in high school. They went to the movies and dinner. He would never tell me what happened, but he didn’t date again until he was in his 20s.

KE to Mom: What were you feeling as Jon approached graduation? Did you think he was prepared to be independent? Did his schooling help build the skills for that independence? If not, as a parent how do you deal with that?
AE: Just getting him to graduation was a challenge, but I was so proud of him for just hanging in there, for not giving up. I knew it would be a long time before he would be “independent.” He did not get his driver’s license until he was in his 20’s.

If his teachers and his experiences helped, it was minimal. There just wasn’t a lot of help for a child with special needs at his schools at that time. His strengths came more from his family.

I think the key to helping Jon with self-esteem and meltdowns was keeping a strict schedule. We learned that the key to disarming his meltdowns was humor. If we could make him laugh, he was fine.

Jonathan loves comic books, movies and games. Our first computer was like a dream come true for him. He can catalogue data and spout off facts that none of us could ever retain. He simply loves information.

KE to Jonathan: Were you given any training while in high school to prepare you for life after graduation?
JA: I did not get any training; I didn’t know what I was going to do.

KE to Mom: What advice would you give to parents of children who are diagnosed with autism?
AE: No two children, with or without a disability, are the same. There is no “cookie cutter” answer for any child. You find their strengths, work with them and never, ever give up. Give them the tools, show them how to use them, constantly encourage them and love them no matter what. Believe anything is possible.

KE to Jonathan: What advice would you give another child or parent?
JA: Don’t give up.

KE to Mom: Is there anything that you would do differently or think should have been done differently for Jonathan during his childhood education?
AE: To have been able to put Jonathan in classes and activities that would have worked with his strengths would have been ideal, but it just wasn’t to be. I would have loved to have been able to communicate with his teachers better and had them more involved.

KE to Mom: How do you define success at this point in your life?
AE: Jon is very sharp. He is loving, kind, supportive and would do anything for his family. He works very hard and is proud of his achievements. The fact that he could be independent if he were suddenly left alone is a great comfort to me. Even though he still gets upset when his schedule is changed or he gets separated from us in a crowd, he now deals with this very well. Thank God for cell phones!

KE to Jonathan: How do you define success at this point in your life?
JA: My family is the best. I have a great mom and brother; he’s cool. She fought for me all my life. I have a good job that I have been at for seven years. I have a car and own a house.

KE to Jonathan: What kind of job do you have and do you like what you are doing?
JA: I am a welder for a tractor company. I really like the people I work with. They are good to me. I am good at my job and when I take a vacation, they miss me a lot.

KE to Mom: What are the three biggest successes in Jon’s life so far?
AE: His job is excellent. The people he works with know he is a hard worker, is always on time, is consistent and interested and they love him. The men he works with are his friends. He comes home each day and tells me all the interesting things about his day.

He loves his family. He likes watching TV and movies, going to the mall and playing games. He absorbs information so we never have to have a tour guide when we travel!

Jon is writing a book about his life and has been working on it for four years. He writes in his journal every day. Since the word “Autism” was not mentioned until Jon was older, we never told him, singled him out or labeled him so he would probably not describe himself as “Autistic.”

Kids Enabled would like to thank Jonathan Abbott and his mom, Ann Elliott for sharing their story with our readers.

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