Jumpstart Conversations with Your Kids

by Jennifer Self, MS, CCC-SLP

Does your ride home from school sometimes feel like a one-way conversation of one-word answers to your many questions? Is your child eager to share the events of the day but you have to try to piece together what he or she is trying to say? Or maybe it’s quiet altogether, and you’re not sure how to start a conversation.

These situations may be just as frustrating for your child as they are for you. Every child has something valuable to say and wants to be heard and understood. Whether your child is 3 or 13, five simple steps—timing, topics, thoughtful questions, tricky traits and telling stories—can help you make the most of conversations with your child.

It’s All About Timing
Timing and location are key factors to make conversations most productive with your children. Distractions also play a major role in effective communication. Most children are not able to divide their attention between you and their favorite television show. Watch for times of the day when your child seems to be relaxed and more naturally talkative. Some children, like many of us, need time to wind down after their “work day” and may not be up for a discussion right out of the school doors. Instead, you may find it effective to incorporate conversation starters into a comfortable family routine. For example, each night at dinner pull a conversation starter out of a box that each family member has to answer.

For ideas, check out:
http://www.familyfirst.net/parenting/conversationkids.asp
http://www.kinderkorner.com/starters.html

Hot Topics
The topic of conversation also plays a big role in how much children want to interact. Finding subjects that interest children does require thought. Listen carefully and note what they tend to talk about with others. You can ask more specific questions if you learn the names of some friends and teachers, and also become familiar with their weekly routine and any special themes or events at school. Try getting their input on family decisions like where to go for vacation, which meal to cook for dinner or even what their punishment should be for a bad behavior. You certainly don’t have to take the advice, but you may be surprised to find out how well your child can share ideas!

Thoughtful Questions Lead to Thoughtful Answers
Once you have some good subject matter, be careful about the way you ask questions. Avoid “yes/no” questions that will lead you to a dead end quickly. Be specific enough that your child has a good place to start and is clear about what you want to know. For example, when asking a child “What happened at school today?” we often hear “nothing,” or maybe just get a bewildered look. A question like “What was the best part of your day?” or “What did you make in art class?” provides more direction. Then follow up with a request to “tell me more about it.” If that is still too open-ended, use specific “wh” questions and encourage him to close his eyes and picture what he is telling you (See Figure 1). If the child is trying to describe a particular object, provide some visual cues for details, such as the describing board (Figure 2). For younger children, try to make it a game and cover up a circle with a treat or coin each time they think of a different characteristic.

Tricky Traits Can Cause Trouble
It is also important to consider any special character traits that might make conversations more challenging. For instance, if a child typically has a hard time paying attention and focusing on tasks, be sure to start conversations in one-on-one settings. Remove other distractions, such as desired snacks or favorite toys, which might cause interruptions. Be patient. Try not to rush your child or complete his sentences before he has a chance to give it his best shot.

Training With Stories
Reading to and with your child is a perfect springboard for jumpstarting discussions at any age. In fact, narrative (story re-telling) abilities provide a strong foundation for answering more open-ended questions and describing events. Engaging your child in stories provides great practice for these skills in a safer and more predictable context than everyday conversation. Familiar books with good illustrations are best to use even for older children because they will help them recall events, keep events in sequence and provide more details.

As you read to or with your child, direct your questions to include the most important components. At the simplest level, this would consist of “who,” “where,” and “what” questions. At the next level, expand your questions to also address where the story happened, when it happened, who was in the story, what was the problem, how was it solved and what happened in the end.

As children feel successful in these more structured situations, they will gain the confidence to answer more open-ended questions at other times of the day and share their thoughts and ideas more effectively with others. Building these skills will provide a natural jumpstart to your child’s ability to engage in conversation with you and others and truly reflect all that he knows and has experienced.

Jennifer Kay Self has a Bachelor of Arts in Communication from Wake Forest University and a Master of Science in Communication Sciences and Disorders from UNC Chapel Hill. She has practiced speech-language pathology with pre-school and school-aged children in north metro Atlanta for five years. She can be reached at jenniferself@comcast.net or at 404-550-0262.

Share and Enjoy: